My son is always angry
My son is always angry. A while ago I met with a brave mum who wanted things to change. She told, “my son is always angry, I don’t know why and it’s wearing me down” She said that one of her sons seemed to be angry with her most of the time while the other could do no wrong and she wanted to know how this had happened.
She also said that she spends her time running around after her angry son who seems to need something or other pretty much all the time. She described him as seeming to be always unhappy with her decisions and she went on to say that for quite a while she had begun to feel resentment towards him, particularly when she feels let down by him in public.
She said she has always given each of them the same amount of attention and that her youngest son is brilliant because he just gets on with it.
She said she had always tried to listen to her children, always tried to give them the attention she felt they deserved and needed, however, nothing to date seems enough for her eldest child who has begun to isolate himself from the family and, more particularly, from her.
She said, “Life is tough and all my eldest has to do is to listen to me and he will know how to do it without getting into trouble”.
Over the time we worked together wondered if the options and choices she gives him might confuse him and might make him feel that he is powerless to make any decisions of his own. We wondered if she felt powerless also. Powerless because she believes the best way forward is to empower him with reasonable options and he ignores her and powerless over her annoyance, confusion and anger when he, in her eyes, rejects her guidance.
In time, she decided that what her son might need is a mum who does not go out to meet his every problem with advice and guidance but rather a predictable, bounded mum who is compassionate enough to not budge on rules and confident enough not to have to go over the rules time and time again. A mum who remains in one place, with arms open, to embrace him in celebration or consolation and be more interested to support his effort than his achievement.
If you would like the opportunity to talk about how you would like to be with your children then please contact me, together we can make a difference.