Keeping girls safe

Keeping girls safe. I am a counsellor providing specialist treatment for children and young people, adults, couples and families. I help people recover from trauma experienced in adulthood and childhood and I strengthen families and couples who are interested in finding another way of being with each other. I help people understand the true meaning behind their behaviour thereby replacing unhelpful judgements and speculation that may have existed in the past with authentic knowledge that brings compassionate understanding and harmony to all lives.

Please take a moment to visit my home page, and the areas on my site that outline my experience and qualifications, by looking to your left if you are working on a lap top or PC and by looking at the top right corner of your phone for the drop down menu.

If you would like more information about my services and counselling then please feel free to email me using my contact form.

Counsellors in Poole. In my blog this week I am writing about how difficult it still is for girls and women to truly understand who is responsible for their sexual safety.

To be clear, I feel that this issue is not complicated and it is not situation dependent. Women are clearly at liberty to wear what they please and behave as they please without having to factor in the male libido and whether or not men may or may not be able to control it.

In today’s society we might think that the law protects women but this is not always the case. In my work I have heard women of all ages say that sometimes it has been easier to say yes to a man then to risk his displeasure by saying no. The law cannot protect a female in this case, there are no witnesses and sex has apparently been consensual. However, without the systematic education of boys and girls where matters like this are discussed frequently and openly, then how can these situations be handled with equality and safety?

Further, one only has to turn on the TV to witness the binary stereotypes of men and women in music videos where men are portrayed as sunglass wearing, macho, emotionless icons of toughness who blend physical prowess, sexual athleticism and wealth into a ludicrously dangerous portrayal of masculinity. And women are portrayed as sexually submissive and happy to comply with the alpha male’s every wish.

In schools, girls are provided with rape alarms and they are advised to be careful with what they wear at certain times of night and in certain places. The message is clear, men are unable to handle their own libido so it is a woman’s responsibility to manage this for them.

Why is it that men are not provided with their own rape alarms that they might set off if they feel that they are becoming sexually dangerous? It might be that they could reach out to their fellow man for support as they rain in their libido and make themselves safe around women.

When I work with survivors of sexual assault and abuse I invariably find that they can be confused about where the responsibility lies in their assault. Sometimes it takes several sessions for a person to truly except that they are not responsible for another person’s behaviour.

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