Counselling for care leavers 

Counselling for care leavers. I am a counsellor in Poole providing specialist treatment for children and young people, adults, couples and families who experience painful losses. I help people recover from childhood trauma and I strengthen families and couples who are interested in finding another way of being with each other. I help people understand the true meaning behind their behaviour thereby replacing unhelpful judgements and speculation that may have existed in the past with authentic knowledge that brings compassionate understanding and harmony to all lives.

Please take a moment to visit my home page, and the areas on my site that outline my experience and qualifications, by looking to your left if you are working on a lap top or PC and by looking at the top right corner of your phone for the drop down menu.

In my blog this week I write about counselling for care leavers in Poole. There is a lack of therapeutic provision for young people who are in the care system and there is even more lack of provision for young people who have left care. Further, young  people who leave care can sometimes find a difficult narrative attached to themselves. This narrative can describe the young person as “attachment avoidant”, “aggressive” or “resistant to services” however, in my experience I have found that the young people who have been given these labels have not acted independently. In other words, they have not arrived in these difficult places on their own. Being removed from your parents, for what ever reason, is traumatic severance of the most basic and fundamental of attachments.

This attachment may have become confusing, dangerous, painful and distorted, however, there is in all of us a fundamental drive that fixes us emotionally and spiritually to our parents, whoever they may be and however they may have been to us and others. It takes time and knowledge, patience and understanding, to heal the wound this severance inflicts. If a young person finds themselves in an environment that does not fully accept and understand the trauma of this separation then they are more than likely to find themselves feeling fearful and anxious.

These fragile and vulnerable emotions are very often replaced in us by more powerful, protective, emotions such as anger and revenge. Anger makes other people fearful and so in turn their own emotional protectors arrive in the form of their own anger and hey presto a fight ensues. If this takes place in a foster home or care home there can only be one winner and one out come and that is always the staff of the children’s home or the foster family. Young people always bare the majority of the blame and young people in care are easy to scapegoat.

They have few people in their lives, and those people who are in their lives have, generally, little, if any, influence within the system. If you meet with a young person who has come through the care system and has a belief that they are angry and hard to manage then please think twice about what you are hearing. If you find yourself in the privileged position of having influence in this young person’s life then perhaps you can enable them to see the bigger picture.

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