Counselling for boys

Counselling for boys. I am a counsellor and I provide treatment for children and young people, adults, couples and families. In my blog this week I am writing about how difficult it still is for girls and women to truly understand who is responsible for their sexual safety and I suggest that there must be more education aimed at boys to help them take responsibility for their sexuality.

To be clear, I feel that this issue is not complicated.

Women are clearly at liberty to wear what they please and behave as they please without having to factor in the male libido and whether or not men may or may not be able to control it.

In today’s society we might think that the law protects women but this is not always the case. In my work I have heard women of all ages say that sometimes it has been easier to say yes to a man then to risk his displeasure by saying no. The law cannot protect a female in this case, there are no witnesses and sex has apparently been consensual.

However, without the systematic education of boys and girls where matters like this are discussed frequently and openly, then how can these situations be handled with equality and safety. Further, one only has to turn on the TV to witness the binary stereotypes of men and women in music videos where men are portrayed as sunglass wearing, macho, emotionless icons of toughness who blend physical prowess, sexual athleticism and wealth into a ludicrously dangerous portrayal of masculinity. 

And women are portrayed as sexually submissive and happy to comply with the alpha male’s every wish.

In schools, girls are provided with rape alarms and they are advised to be careful with what they wear at certain times of night and in certain places. The message is clear, men are unable to handle their own libido so it is a woman’s responsibility to manage this for them. Why is it that men are not provided with their own rape alarms that they might set off if they feel that they are becoming sexually dangerous?

It might be that they could reach out to their fellow man for support as they rein in their libido and make themselves safe around women.

When I work with survivors of sexual assault and abuse I invariably find that they can be confused about where the responsibility lies in their assault. Sometimes it takes several sessions for a person to truly except that they are not responsible for another person’s behaviour.

Please get in touch with me if you have a teenager son or daughter and would like to find out how counselling can help.