Why do some young people shout at teachers?

Imagine you are ten. You have grown up in a place where your parents are unavailable. Your mother might hold resentments against life because she had a child when she was young with a man who did not stick around. Maybe she bore you to make the pain of her own loneliness and emptiness bearable or maybe she sought sexual comfort when she was even younger, maybe 14 or 15 years of age, became pregnant and the resultant termination made her feel guilty and dark, because she brought death to her motherhood. Are you asking Why do some young people shout at teachers?

You are ten. Imagine this is your mother.

She is confused, stuck and angry.

She is also nursing the wounds she feels your father inflicted upon her when he abandoned you and her.

He wanted to have sex with your mother because he needed to feel strong and needed so he could make sense of his life. Just like your life, his was fraught with feelings of feeling “wrong” at home and at school because his mother, your grandmother, just like your mother, was unhappy and ignorant of it’s causes.

He left you and your mother not because he had a plan to leave but because he did not have the faintest clue how to stay. Being “wrong” from a young age hurts and when he argued with your mother he felt hurt, angry….wrong.

Neither of your parents had good attachments to key people in their young lives and so they were emotionally inaccessible in their adult lives.

You are caught in a game, a trans-generational downer, whose rules you neither invented nor agreed to live by.

You have learnt from you unhappy parents how to shout and how to shame to get your own way and, because you live and breathe in an atmosphere where guilt follows most emotional exchanges, you hurt and then you run away.

This is why you shout in school.

You are stuck with a script that needed re-writing generations before you.

When you meet with an educational psychologist she writes a report. In the report she comments that you experience, “Frequent lapses of reasoning and discourse analysis.”

You don’t understand.

You are not alone.

Neither do I.

This report is not about you. You are a symptom, a presentation, a shock wave come down through time, for we know that, “Threats to the availability of attachment figures in conjunction with distorted or miscued communications, can result in the symptomatic expressions of anger, fear and sadness.” Cassidy and Shaver 2008 p48.

Whatever intervention I offer in my work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset ( as a couple counsellor, with teenagers and adolescents and as a family therapist and marriage counsellor) be it, CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centered Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy, I am mindful that history repeats itself if we are not open to reorganizing our present.