What happens in Therapy?

How do I know if counselling is working and once I have discovered what my issues are how do I then move forward to make changes to how I relate to myself and use the knowledge I have to change the way I relate to people?

Counselling is not necessarily about:

  • Linking your precious feelings to catch phrases and buzz words like, “I’m co-dependant”, and “That’s your stuff not mine.”
  • Finding out how to find yourself into generic descriptions like, “OCD” or “being on the spectrum” or “having anger management”

And it is not about saying to yourself, “Other people have it much harder than me, I must just snap out of my negative and self-obsessed way of being”

Counselling is about learning how unique you are, it is about learning how to you came to think and feel the way you do and it is about positive acceptance of your self.

Complete acceptance is something that few of us ever truly feel and it takes time to develop. It is important that you find a therapist who wants to understand you and who wants to help you feel understood and welcome.

In my experience of being a client, it is only when I feel completely comfortable and, most importantly, truly accepted, by my therapist that I am able to truly speak from my heart about the way I look at things. When I feel at risk of being judged I hide what’s happening for me because with judgement comes shame. 

I know that my culture and my upbringing has impacted on the way I communicate with myself so that I might feel shame when I feel angry and fear when I feel I may lose a precious relationship.

Furthermore, few of us are able to speak authentically about the impact on ourselves of feelings such as fear of abandonment and shame because our society does not prize the expression of these kinds of feelings.

So, instead, I might try to fix myself by:

– Working relentlessly, succeeding in my field and proving myself to others so that their affirmation might make me feel better

-I may develop relationships with cars, sex or money or going out or clothes or on anything that might fix the confusion I feel inside me by feeling constrained over the expression of my true nature. Be resourceful and careful about the kind of therapist you ask to support you and if you do not get along with them it’s ok to try others.

If you would like to find out a little bit more about the therapy I offer then please email me or give me a call, I would be happy to hear from you.