We have no Sex in Our Marriage

I didn’t write the following article but I have copied it into this blog because I couldn’t put it better myself. We have no sex in our marriage is a tough statement to make to yourself. It can be the first step in making things better.

The following article comes from an American blog, We have no sex in our marriage is the opening statement in a quest for a different way of being for you.

“Marriage sex experts estimate that one out of every three couples struggles with mismatched sexual desire; one spouse is hot when the other is not. Because of advancements in medical and psychological libido-boosting alternatives available to those whose desire has waned, bridging the desire gap should, in theory, be a simple endeavor to solving marriage sex problems and saving marriages. Unfortunately, it’s anything but. That’s because millions of people with low desire are simply not concerned about or troubled by their lack of interest in sex in marriage. Nor are they particularly motivated to do much about it. Just ask their spouses!

Being complacent about ho-hum sex is a formula for marital disaster. A sex-starved husband and a sex-starved wife are in danger of getting a divorce over lack of sex in the marriage. When one spouse is sexually dissatisfied and the other is oblivious, unconcerned or uncaring, and has no interest, sex isn’t the only casualty; intimacy on every level becomes non-existent. Spouses stop touching affectionately, having meaningful talks, laughing at each other’s jokes, or connecting emotionally. They become like two ships passing in the night. Infidelity and divorce become all too real threats.

But rather than diagnose the person with the lack of sexual interest as the problem, and refuse to change until s/he changes first, there are many ways partners can work together as a team to turn around the decline in their sex lives. But first, you need to know if your marriage is sex starved. Start by taking this marriage sex quiz. Be honest with your answers.

The Sex-Starved Marriage Quiz

Do you find yourself:

  • Going to bed earlier or later than your spouse just to avoid the possibility s/he might get amorous?
  • Lying in bed at night, careful not to stir for fear that s/he might start touching you?
  • Being sexual out of guilt rather than feeling desirous?
  • Arguing with your spouse about sex frequently.
  • Blaming each other for the fact that We have no sex in our marriage

Do you find yourself thinking or saying:

  • “By the end of the day, I’m just too tired and have no interest in sex.”
  • “If you had to work as hard as me, maybe you’d understand why We have no sex in our marriage
  • “How can we have sex? The kids are always around” That’s why We have no sex in our marriage
  • “If you were nicer to me maybe I’d be interested.”
  • “Why do you always have to touch me in a sexual way?”
  • “If you weren’t such a sex fanatic, I’d probably want more sex.”
  • “If you’d help more around the house, I’d want to be closer to you sexually.”
  • “I just don’t feel turned on anymore.”
  • “I have a lot on my mind right now. Sex is just not all that important to me.”

OR

  • Have you been feeling hurt, depressed, resentful or angry about your husband or wife?s lack of interest in sex?
  • As a result, do you find yourself being highly critical or bossy?
  • Out of anger, have you berated your spouse or been mean-spirited?
  • Have your feelings of resentment about your married sex life prompted you to shut down emotionally and pull away from your spouse?
  • Do you wonder whether your spouse really loves you?
  • Do you question your attractiveness or masculinity/femininity?
  • Do you intentionally make plans that don’t include your husband or wife?
  • Do you feel yourself building a wall around you to protect yourself from feelings of rejection?
  • Do you feel you’ve tried everything but your spouse simply doesn’t understand how important sexuality is to you?
  • Are you feeling tempted to stray beyond your marriage to find companionship and sexual excitement?”

This article was put together by Michele Weiner-Davis, take a look at her web site http://divorcebusting.com

If you are saying We have no sex in our marriage and would like to change things for yourself and your partner, why not give me a call, send me a text or email me and we can arrange to meet.

Together we can make a difference.

And finally….

When I work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset as a counsellor, couple counsellor, teenage and adolescent counsellor, family counsellor, family therapist…

Offering…

Family counselling and marriage guidance, marriage counseling, teenage counselling and adolescent counselling to individuals and couples with differing forms of anxiety and depression feeling anxious and depressed…

I may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Attachment Theory, Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centred Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy or Attachment Theory…

I am mindful to that counselling offers us new opportunities and possibilities for all of us to develop our knowledge, commitment and understanding of ourselves and each other.