Therapy and family counselling in Poole and Bournemouth
I provide therapy and family counselling in Poole and Bournemouth to children, teenagers, adults, families and couples. It has once again become apparent to me that we can so often be wrong about about what we believe someone meant and what they actually mean.
For example, an Iraqi teenager, who has been in the UK for two years, is studying for her AS English exam. She stops doing assignments and stops engaging with her teacher. Her school finds her confusing and challenging and asks me to speak with her because they worry she is having a breakdown of some sort.
It turns out that she knew how to answer her GCSE English papers but does not understand how to answer the differently formatted AS English papers. Further, it seems that she has tried on a number of occasions to speak to her school’s English department but give her confusing advice that she does not understand. Despondent, she puts her efforts into other subjects as she is worried that all the work she is putting into English is making her behind in her other subjects.
Good qualifications mean everything to her as she wants to go back to her country equipped to serve her people, either as a doctor or an architect. Far from dropping out, she is making sure she succeeds.
A couple fight bitterly when one of them picks up her tablet or mobile phone in the evenings after work, staying on it until she is dragged off it by her partner who feels ignored and uninteresting, even less interesting than the random, sensational, news items her partner reads assiduously. It turns out that looking at the internet is one of the only ways she knows how to calm down from a manic day at work. Further, somewhere in the back of her mind she knows her partner will take great exception to her looking at her iphone and she knows that she, herself, will feel annoyed if she is asked to come away from it just to be told that it always happens. So, to avoid an argument, she buries her head in the sand and keeps reading because she does not know how to work it all through.
Therapy allowed these two over worked professionals to get what they needed from their relationship without leaving either of them feeling that they had compromised more than the other. More importantly speaking with each other about what they needed from their relationship enabled each of them to give to the other and in so doing they reaffirmed their love and commitment to each other.