My child behaves badly in school

A great thing happened today. I work with a young person who shows me the shy, remote, comical, warm and generous parts of himself. But I see him on his own. His mum tells me, My child behaves badly in school and others see him in groups where they say he is confrontational, defiant, seeks crowd approval and has a side to him that seeks to undermine and destroy people’s attempts to help him and his peers. I can believe this as he has told me his story and I have seen him in the corridors where all his stories pile up inside him and invade his imagination and self-expression.

Anyway, do not give up hope! Today one of the people who has the difficult task of directing him when he is in public, while he is in a role that refuses direction, told me that he said “hello” to her the day before last!

A small word with a massive meaning…

A huge achievement!!

My respect goes out to my colleague for trying so hard and so doggedly to avoid the mind bullets he’s fired at her over the last seven weeks.

My admiration goes out to her for always putting herself in the line of fire but never allowing the bullets to draw blood.

When I reflected back to her that she never stopped trying with him, she replied, “Guy, I haven’t even started trying with him yet!”

If I ask her how she has achieved this she will simply say, “I just kept on at him!”

This isn’t the whole picture.

My colleague understood that while he was defending himself by attacking her he was not able to see the real nature of their relationship as he was too caught up in the fighting.

He had constructed an image of her based on many things-none of these “things” had any relation to her.

I am reminded of Tom Paine’s Common Sense in which he writes of Gideon.

When Gideon was offered gifts for the victories he had won, he replies to those whom he does not wish to be rewarded by, “I will not rule over you, neither shall my sons rule over you.”

In this passage Paine is telling Jefferson, George 3rd may give himself the title of Ruler over America but we, the new Americans, should not recognise his position nor the gifts he gives.

Similarly, this young man tried to assert himself over my colleague but she, with understanding and care, refused to accept the validity of his position.

Interestingly, this young person initially refused her the rights her position grants her but her clarity and consideration has started to earn her the place she was given in this young man’s life.

If you have found this blog speaks about some of the things you have been thinking, My child behaves badly in school, maybe you might consider contacting me, we can talk about counselling and the other therapeutic options you have available to you.

From the New Forest to Bournemouth and Poole I have enabled young people, couples and families and individuals to understand what is happening for them and together we have created a better life.

When I work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset as a counsellor, couple counsellor, teenage and adolescent counsellor, family counsellor and family therapist, offering Family counselling and marriage guidance, marriage counselling, teenage counselling and adolescent counselling to individuals and couples with differing forms of anxiety and depression feeling anxious and depressed, I may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Attachment Theory, Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centred Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy or Attachment Theory…I am mindful to that counselling offers us new opportunities and possibilities for us to develop our knowledge, commitment and understanding of ourselves and each other.