I think my son is unhappy
How many of us have thought to ourselves “ I think my son is unhappy , I know he’s got something on his mind but he’s not telling me and it’s really worrying me.”
When we feel our children are withholding information that will help us help them we become frustrated, fearful, maybe even a little annoyed. Particularly if we feel that their wellbeing is being compromised by their reluctance to “tell us everything”. We become watchful and vigilant because we are convinced that our children are trying to manage a situation on their own that requires our involvement. This situation is made even harder for some of us if we have determined not to be like our parents who never listened to us when we were younger.
The more we feel our children are suffering beyond the reach of our care the more we feel we are letting them down and the more insistent we become. Our questions become more focused, we might even mention other children’s names, children we believe are perhaps responsible to our child’s current distress. Our worry shows on our faces and our children pick up on our powerlessness, fear and worry. They learn about the relationship between us and them from this information.
It’s sometimes hard to strike the balance between being a parent who pays too little attention to their children and a parent who pays too much attention to their children. Being relaxed but aware, ready to intervene if necessary, takes confidence and faith in the relationship you have with your children. Confidence that they can manage themselves without your guidance (of course, this changes as our children grow up) and faith that the relationship you have with your children will enable them to see you as their primary source of comfort rather than one of their peers.
If you have found this blog speaks about some of the things you have been thinking about. Maybe you might consider contacting me, we can talk about counselling and the other therapeutic options you have available to you.
From the New Forest to Bournemouth and Poole I have enabled young people, couples and families and individuals to understand what is happening for them and together we have created a better life.
When I work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset as a counsellor, couple counsellor, teenage and adolescent counsellor, family counsellor and family therapist, offering Family counselling and marriage guidance, marriage counselling, teenage counselling and adolescent counselling to individuals and couples with differing forms of anxiety and depression feeling anxious and depressed, I may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Attachment Theory, Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centred Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy or Attachment Theory…I am mindful to that counselling offers us new opportunities and possibilities for us to develop our knowledge, commitment and understanding of ourselves and each other.