I need someone to talk to my child

Sometimes we believe that things are troubling our child and we think, “ I need someone to talk to my child so they can get everything off their chest.” I work with a young person who has lived in three countries and been in care in two of them. His mum is in recovery from alcohol dependency. I asked him from 1 to 10 (ten being most secure) how he felt about this current recovery. He said 9. I asked what was stopping it from being ten, he said “don’t know”, he says very little anyway.

Remembering that his age would compromise his Sequential Memory, (his memory that is, unaided by us, able to put together a sequence of events) I changed my question.

I asked him what pictures in his head were stopping it from being 10. Before I had finished the sentence he said “whisky bottles”.

Before we are fourteen or fifteen we do not have the ability to think in sequential terms. This means that we will find it hard to truly piece together a sequence of chronological events and connect these events to the feelings they stirred in us as the events unfolded. In the example I mention, the young person in question was unable to identify the cause of his doubt until he was asked to review, what psychology calls, his Imaged Memory. This becomes usable and accessible to us at a much younger age. We all have small flashes of images, our own personal movie clips, in our minds from when we are very young. My question to him was phrased to enable him to verbally link a picture (Image) in his mind with a feeling.

The link was already there and it caused him to have doubt. This doubt is logical, understandable and manageable for him if he is able to find it’s root cause and to speak about it. Without a reason and a cause the doubt remains mysterious and unknown. The unknown is dangerous for us all.

If you have found this blog speaks about some of the things you have been thinking, “ I need someone to talk to my child ” Maybe you might consider contacting me, we can talk about counselling and the other therapeutic options you have available to you.

From the New Forest to Bournemouth and Poole I have enabled young people, couples and families and individuals to understand what is happening for them and together we have created a better life.

When I work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset as a counsellor, couple counsellor, teenage and adolescent counsellor, family counsellor and family therapist, offering Family counselling and marriage guidance, marriage counselling, teenage counselling and adolescent counselling to individuals and couples with differing forms of anxiety and depression feeling anxious and depressed, I may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Attachment Theory, Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centred Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy or Attachment Theory…I am mindful to that counselling offers us new opportunities and possibilities for us to develop our knowledge, commitment and understanding of ourselves and each other.