Do you need help dealing with a breakup?
Do you need help dealing with a breakup. Sometimes we need help dealing with a breakup because we feel anxious, guilty and depressed and fearful about the future. We can feel like we know nothing about life and we can feel that we cannot keep going forward as life will be full of the pain of loss and fraught with mistakes we feel we will make in our future as we made in our past.
We can have anxiety that we might fall to the bottom of everything and become invisible.
We can feel as if our ex-partner, or departed friend, has all the answers and will be able to negotiate life, effortlessly, leaving us behind, leaving us depressed.
We can feel unlovable and unattractive and full of depression.
Try and realise that these feelings, however difficult and hurtful they become, are normal and are part of the grieving process.
If you believe these feelings are true without any sense within you that, “I only feel this way because I am grieving”, then, maybe it’s time you talked to a counsellor.
Also, if, after a few weeks, you become “stuck” with the way you see and feel things and you cannot move forward, rest a while and reflect on the journey you have made since loss became your companion.
If there is really no change then, once again, maybe it’s time you thought about seeing a counsellor.
While I was putting this blog together I found this blogh, it made me laugh, particularly the remarks about Raybans.
If you are in a bad place and could do with a chuckle, read on…….
“Five Delusional Things That Keep You From Moving On After A Breakup by Celine Naya
- Pictures are DELUSIONAL
Delusion: Pictures are always and ALWAYS remember, super delusional.
Reality: If you think your ex looks super happy with his new interest, there is a 90% chance that it is not true. It is our fear of seeing our ex not missing us or us being rejected that completely takes over rational thinking and reality.
P.S. Aviators /Sunglasses always make people look way hotter than they are. Filters and Photoshop also make a vast difference.
- Your ex will suddenly look super-hot and attractive
Delusions: Your ex is suddenly way skinnier/muscular and has probably got a swag new haircut and some swanky clothes.
Reality: People deal with breakups by going for makeovers and start focusing on their body and their looks. It is because when they were with you they were warm, fuzzy, and assured, but their self-confidence has gone for a toss. Now, they’re try to find new ways of making themselves feel better. Your fear of not finding a new love interest takes over the reality that they actually look pretty much the same as they did when they were with you.
- You put your ex/love interest on a PEDESTAL
Delusion: She/he probably was the best thing that happened to you. You are worried to bits about how you will up this and find a hotter arm-candy for yourself .
Reality: You feel this way because you can’t have something you’ve had or taken for granted. Its human nature to want things and put this grandiose halo around people/things they can’t have. The most important thing after a breakup is not to put someone on a pedestal. Remember they were good/nice to you because you made them feel that way. If it is anyone who has to be on a pedestal, it is YOU!
- Your ex never truly loved or cared for you as they have moved on
Delusion: You start feeling that this person probably never loved you or did not care enough as they have really hurt you and broken your heart. You find that they have moved on so quickly which shows that the relationship never really meant anything to them.
Reality: It takes any normal person about half the time they were in relationship to get over someone. So if you dated someone for 3 years they will not be over it before 1 and half years. This a universal rule, unless of course your relationship was pretty much dead at the end of 2 years and you dragged on for one year then technically he/she will take less than 6 months.
P.S. Rebound is REAL. If someone starts dating immediately after a breakup, that is because they aren’t strong enough to handle being lonely and aren’t comfortable with the idea of being with themselves. GOOD RIDDANCE! Such relationships fizz out as quickly as they have started.
- Exes can be friends
Delusion: You will probably go through some good days and bad days after your breakup. In your good days you will want to be friends with your exes and will fondly think of them and the time you’ll spend together and in all likelihood wish them the best. But then the bad days will come and you will wonder why your ex hasn’t messaged, you will think of the way you broke up and all the bad memories will come rushing to you and you will find yourself struggling with the idea of seeing your ex with someone.
Reality: It is not possible to be friends. They were your best friend but you shared a physical relationship with them which makes your relationship with them way more complex than normal friendship. There are cases where exes are friends but they will tell you that either it was not a serious relationship or they were too young or the plain fact they still love each other very dearly.
Breakups are hard, but you will move on and find someone who will make your world go round again. You can either dwell in the past or break free and zoom into your future. There are many fishes in the sea, but you have to pick the right one. If it’s meant to be, it will be. You don’t need to worry about that. Destiny has its ways and we just have to embrace the cards that it hands out to us.”
If you live in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset and need help dealing with a breakup and would like a free initial consultation, give me a call, text or email, counselling can help you come to terms with the new place you are in
It can help you move forward.
When I work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset as a counsellor, couple counsellor, teenage and adolescent counsellor, family counsellor, family therapist…
Family counselling and marriage guidance, marriage counseling, teenage counselling and adolescent counselling…
I may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Attachment Theory, Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centered Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy or Attachment Theory…
I am mindful to that counselling offers us new opportunities and possibilities for all of us to develop our knowledge, commitment and understanding of ourselves.