Are you looking for couples therapy or couples counselling and wondering how to find a good therapist or counsellor, what to look for in a therapist and what to expect from the service?
Well, here is a list of a few things you can do to ensure you find the right help.
Make sure that you either know someone who has used a good counsellor or you know someone that knows someone who has. Sometimes, understandably, we can feel awkward asking our friends if they know of a good therapist. But you would be surprised to find that once you begin to ask the right people, people know more than you think they might and they are usually pleased to pass on what they know.
Remember, just because somebody says they offer marriage counselling or sex therapy it does not mean they are skilled at providing that kind of support. So, if word of mouth does not work and you go on line to search for couples therapy then make sure that the therapists you consider are accredited with the BACP or the UKCP and that they have specific training and knowledge of couples work.
Finally, your therapist:
1. Will not take sides and will understand and respect that you have placed a good deal of trust in them. It can be tempting in therapy for each of you to tell stories of what you consider to be the other’s misdemeanours. Counsellors with the proper training will know that taking sides is destructive and potentially dangerous to one or both of you.
2. Will help you consider the safety of any children you are responsible for. Therapists will help you both and they will also help you become mindful that children who are exposed to arguments are at risk of becoming unhappy, unhealthy and confused. A good therapist will try and help you both see that if children are involved then the emotional safety of those children must also be taken into consideration. For example, you might decide that discussions that might turn into disputes might best take place away from the house and away from children until some kind of equilibrium is established.
3. Will Seek to help you both understand where your difficulties began and why they began. We each attach meaning to the words and actions of our partners, these meaning might be incorrect and may have lead us to say things that are hazardous to peaceful relating. Therapy helps us get to a place of authentic understanding and this in turn allows us to see each other in new, more helpful, ways.
I would be pleased to hear from you by phone or email if you would like to find out more about my services or about counselling in general, therapy is a big step to take and I appreciate you need to get it right.