Counselling for teenagers in Poole

Do you have a teenager in your family that you believe is Self Harming? Are feeling frightened and anxious because you believe “My daughter is self harming” and you are wondering how to raise the issue with her because you are not entirely sure what self harm is all about? You are not alone, help is available but first maybe a little understanding might enable you to get some clarity around the issue. Counselling for teenagers in Poole is available.

Young people tell me they Self Harm as an attempt to substitute the emotional or mental pain inside them for a physical, external, pain. They say they believe they can control the external pain as they are the ones producing it whereas the internal pain they feel is sometimes overwhelming and usually caused by the actions of other, older, people in their life over whom they have no influence.

In a very real sense they are attempting to make themselves feel better. Put simply, if I am feeling bad about an event, and I am unable to change my internal thoughts and feelings about it, then I may look for an external cure. Would this not be a sensible thing to do

Lots of us are gratified by our external world. From the iphone user on The Tube keeping themselves to themselves, to the CEO of a large company enjoying her position of influence, to the Ferrari driver enjoying her car (and enjoying seeing how others enjoy her car!) our society supplies us with the tools we need to feel better about ourselves by using our relationships with things other people. This is OK, it won’t harm us and as long as we are having open, honest, loving relationships away from the cars, phones and business, it’s fine.

But, some people take that way of relating to extremes. They might use alcohol to feel better or have multiple relationships, finding dangerous comfort in the arms of strangers or they may use drugs recreationally using their way into dependence. They may even find that making money, to the exclusion of all else, enables them to feel safe and secure. These examples show how we can use an external source to moderate their feelings in a way that compromises their lives.

Self Harm falls into the category. On the surface it seems different to the other kinds of stimulus as it involves the immediate application of pain whereas the other forms of external gratification involve seeking immediate pleasure. I might argue that pleasure found in the excessive use of the outside world causes thinly disguised damage and pain to us in the form of spiritual harm, physical injury and mental torment.

As with all dangerous habits, Self Harmers develop rituals, use deception and carry out their mood altering in private. It is tempting for the adult world to distance themselves from Self Harm as being a young person’s problem but in truth if we do this we deny the seriousness of problems that cross all generations in our society and we separate ourselves from the children in our world.

If you have found this blog speaks about some of the things you have been thinking, like my daughter is self harming Maybe you might consider contacting me, we can talk about counselling and the other therapeutic options you have available to you.

From the New Forest to Bournemouth and Poole I have enabled young people, couples and families and individuals to understand what is happening for them and together we have created a better life.

When I work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset as a counsellor, couple counsellor, teenage and adolescent counsellor, family counsellor and family therapist, offering Family counselling and marriage guidance, marriage counselling, teenage counselling and adolescent counselling to individuals and couples with differing forms of anxiety and depression feeling anxious and depressed, I may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Attachment Theory, Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centred Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy or Attachment Theory…I am mindful to that counselling offers us new opportunities and possibilities for us to develop our knowledge, commitment and understanding of ourselves and each other.