Am I co-dependent?

Co-dependence is a description of a state between two things, usually the “things” in question are human. Co-dependency is a term used by psychologists and psychiatrists who may ask you to reflect, Am I co-dependent? I don’t believe it is kind or helpful. I feel it is a shame that we try to apply people to descriptions.

Co-dependence describes a state where one or both of the parties involved cannot function independently away from the couple or relationship in question.

We might look at the condition existing between addict and non-addicted partner. The addict can be seen to need the non-addicted partner to take care of them. Both partners facilitate a game where hiding and promises of change become more central to the couple than addressing the central issue which is more accurately seen as one person being at risk of death, prison, disease and life destruction while the other is at risk of pouring their life away as carer to a person who refuses to recognise themselves.

Co-dependence might also describe a love affair where two people cannot live without the other. No harm may exist in this relationship but each partner may depend on the other to the exclusion of all else….

Were Romeo and Juliette co-dependent?

Are governments and their citizens co-dependent?

Movie stars?  


Do you feel anxious and depressed or have anxiety or depression when the person you love is not there?

For me co-dependence is a term that describes a presentation only, it attempts to say that what can be seen from the outside of a relationship is true and real for all parts of this relationship.

At the risk of repeating myself, I feel it is a shame that we try to apply people to descriptions.

Understanding the way a person works and functions around another person is a complex mission indeed and key to this mission is the input of the people in question. Too often the term co-dependence is used by professionals who look into a system without ever becoming part of it. 

If you feel that some of this information resonates with you, why not give me an email, call or text?

I work in Poole, Bournemouth and Dorset and I offer a free hour’s consultation.

When I work this week in Bournemouth, Poole or Dorset as a counsellor, couple counsellor, teenage and adolescent counsellor, family counsellor, family therapist…


Family counselling and marriage guidance, marriage counselling, teenage counselling and adolescent counselling…

I may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Attachment Theory, Mindfulness, Psychodrama, Person Centered Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Solution Focused Therapy, Integrative Therapy or Family Therapy or Drama Therapy or Art Therapy…

I am mindful to that counselling offers us new opportunities and possibilities for all of us to develop our knowledge, commitment and understanding to ourselves.